I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
