i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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