I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
