I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
