You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
