so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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