I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
