just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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