Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
