if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
