First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
