What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
