Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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