I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
