I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just forgot I was standing up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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