I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
