That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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