My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
