So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
