Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
