I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
