I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
