I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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