his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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