He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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