Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
