bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
