ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
