Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
