we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
