so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
