Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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