I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
