just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
