anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
