dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
