please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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