i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
