im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
