Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
