Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
