So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
