Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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