I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just invented taco cereal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
