I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We need to get me chipped asap
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
