I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
