im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
