i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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