She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
