During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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